Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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