booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
