mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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