Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
