Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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