Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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