he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
