Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
