but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
