I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
