We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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