I smell stomach acid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she told me i tasted like america
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
