Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
