Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
