I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
