What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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