somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
COCAINE IS GR8
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize