Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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