I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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