I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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