broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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