I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
