oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
