OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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