I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
