Can Purell be used as lube?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
