My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
