in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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