ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
