I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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