As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
