Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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