So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
