did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
