I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
