We need to rekindle our bromance
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
