so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
