put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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