Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
