Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
