Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
