he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
