She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
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You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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