i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize