never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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