I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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