I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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