you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
