i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
