I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
