A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
