So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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