I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox