foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song