My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.