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I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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