I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
