I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
