threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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