the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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