I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
