Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
