dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
