Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
