you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
bring money and cleavage
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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