Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
