she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't turn off my feet"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
