i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
