I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize