He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
