does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I party with great urgency now.
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