btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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