I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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