Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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